What does it mean to feel loved: Cultural consensus and individual differences in felt love

What does it mean to feel loved: Cultural consensus and individual differences in felt love. Saeideh Heshmati et al. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517724600

Abstract: Cultural consensus theory is a statistical framework (CCT) for the study of individual differences in the knowledge of culturally shared opinions. In this article, we demonstrate how a CCT analysis can be used to study individual differences and cultural consensus on what makes people feel loved, or more generally any social behaviors that are governed by cognitive schemata. To highlight the advantages of the method, we describe a study in which people reported on their everyday experiences of feeling loved. Our unique approach to understanding this topic is to focus on people’s cognitive evaluations on what feeling loved (both romantically and nonromantically) entails by exploring the shared agreement regarding when one is most likely to feel loved and the individual differences that influence knowledge of these shared agreements. Our results reveal that people converge on a consensus about indicators of expressed love and that these scenarios are both romantic and nonromantic. Moreover, people show individual differences in (1) the amount of knowledge they have about this consensus and (2) their guessing biases in responding to items on love scenarios, depending on personality and demographics—all conclusions made possible by the CCT method.


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In our exploration of relationships between people’s ability in knowing the consensus on felt love and their demographic background, we found that depending on people’s gender, race, personality traits, and relationship status, they have differential ability of knowing the consensus on felt love. More specifically, we found that male participants show less knowledge of the consensus on felt love than female participants. This gender difference about experiences of love aligns with many of the past research on this topic (Fehr & Broughton, 2001; Hendrick, Hendrick, Foote, & Slapion-Foote, 1984; Sprecher & Toro-Morn, 2002). Specifically, research has shown that men and women differ in their thought process about the concept of love. Men are more likely to think about sexual commitment and the pleasure of intercourse when thinking about love, whereas women are more prone to thinking about love as emotional commitment and security (Buss, 2000; Cimbalo & Novell, 1993; Hazan & Shaver, 1987). This distinction between male and female perceptions of romantic love, not to be confused with love experienced in casual day-to-day interactions, could partially explain why men displayed less knowledge of the consensus in the scenarios of love presented in this study. Our items on felt love were less centered on sexual and intimate relationships and behaviors and more centered on emotional support and supportive behavior from others during everyday momentary experiences. Thus, an everyday nonsexual approach to love could be more in line with the cognitive framework of women than men.

In terms of relationship status, we also found that people in relationships know more about the consensus on felt love than people who are single. Since love is defined as an interpersonal connection between two people who share a micro-moment of positivity in the midst of their daily life (Fredrickson, 2013), people who are in a relationship and have more chances of experiencing and receiving these signals of love may have more knowledge of what makes them feel loved than those who are not in a relationship. Moreover, based on previous research, people who have maintained a good quality relationship show better relational characteristics (Stafford & Cannary, 1991) and higher emotional intelligence (Brackett, Warner, & Bosco, 2005) than people who have not and thus could be an explanation why these people know more about the shared belief about love among people.