Has evolution shaped us to fall in love, not just in judging our partners, but in becoming more lovable ourselves? Female sexual desire in courtship & newlywed phases decreases later, making men entering into a long-term commitment based on false assumptions about the amount of sex involved

The Mask of Love and Sexual Gullibility. Roy F. Baumeister, Jessica A. Maxwell, Geoffrey P. Thomas. sydneysymposium.unsw.edu.au/2018/chapters/BaumeisterSSSP2018.pdf

Abstract: Many people describe the time of being newly in love as one of life’s peak experiences. Years later, many are dismayed by the choices they made during love, and many people divorce after thinking they were to be married for life. How did they make such a grievous mistake? Traditional theory assumes that lovers are biased in judgments about their partners. This largely speculative essay suggests that evolution has shaped people to fall in love, not just in judging their partners, but in becoming more lovable themselves. Recent data indicate that female sexual desire during courtship and newlywed phases is often followed by a loss of sexual desire that undermines both spouses’ marital satisfaction. Men may therefore be gullible in terms of entering into a long-term commitment based on false assumptions about the amount of sex involved. This may serve as a useful model for the hypothesis that people become more lovable when in love.