Perceptions of married life among single never‐married, single ever‐married, and married adults. Amanda N. Gesselman et al. Personal Relationships, November 26 2019. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12295
Abstract: With the increasing prevalence of single adults in the United States, perceptions of marriage as the relationship “gold standard” may be diminishing. In this study (N = 6,576), we explored perceptions of married life in three subgroups of participants: Those who have never married, ever married, and currently married. Across subgroups, most did not perceive married life more positively than single life in external/tangible domains (e.g., more friends), but did in emotional experiences and frame of mind (e.g., contentment). These findings suggest conceptualizations of marriage may be changing to be less positive or less discrepant from conceptualizations of single life. However, these findings also suggest that people continue to view marital relationships as a positive source of emotional experience and support.
4 | DISCUSSION
In the present study, we explored how American adults of varying relationship statuses perceive married
life compared to single life across eight social domains. In our analyses, we examined perceptions
of single life versus married life in the sample overall, by specific relationship status (i.e., never
married, currently married, separated/divorced, widowed), and conducted two targeted comparisons
of (a) never married versus ever married participants and (b) currently married versus previously
married participants. Across our analyses, single life was perceived to positively exceed married life
in terms of friendships and social life, sexual behavior, working hard to stay in shape, and careermindedness.
Conversely, married life was perceived to include more feelings of contentment,
confidence, and security, which are factors globally important to happiness and satisfaction with interpersonal
relationships (e.g., Feeney & Collins, 2015; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2013; Murray, Holmes, &
Griffin, 2000). These findings demonstrate in a large national sample that in some domains single life
is perceived more positively, and in other domains married life is perceived more positively, highlighting
the reality of multiple determinations in people's romantic and sexual lives. These findings also
demonstrate the utility of assessing multiple social life domains when examining differences and
similarities across relationship statuses (e.g., Ta et al., 2017), pointing to unique aspects of social and
interpersonal lives that people perceive and experience more positively or negatively.
In testing perceptual differences between never married and ever married participant subgroups,
we found a “knowing from experience” effect: Compared to those singles who had never been married,
participants who had ever been married perceived single life (vs. married life) to include more
sex, more interesting social lives, and being in better shape to a greater extent. Similarly, compared
to those who had ever been married, participants who had never been married perceived married life
to include more feelings of contentment than in single life to a greater extent. Last, while previously
married and currently married participants held the same perceptions, those singles who had previously
been married had more emphasized differences in their perceptions of single versus married
life just as in the prior comparison tests. When compared to currently married participants, those who
had previously been married felt to a greater extent that single life included having more interesting
social lives, being in better shape, and being more career-minded, but also felt to a greater extent that
married life includes more feelings of contentment, confidence, and security than single life. These
findings demonstrate an important nuance largely missing in previous research examining married
and single life, that in addition to current relationship status, previous experiences of having ever
been married may uniquely characterize perceptions and attitudes toward married life, potentially
dampening the effects found in prior large-scale studies that have either not examined prior marriages
as a separate subgroup of participants or have incidentally biased studies of married and single life
by removing previously married individuals from their samples.
Although marriage is often seen as the optimal arrangement, our findings did not show more positive
perceptions of married life across all domains. In our overall pattern of results, we found that in
several more concrete or observable aspects, participants across all relationship statuses perceived
single life more favorably than married life. It was only when considering emotional experiences and
frame of mind that married life was consistently rated more positively across groups. This finding of
marital relationships as a positive source of emotional experience and support is consistent with
social perception findings demonstrating that people believe those who are married are generally
happier and more fulfilled than singles (DePaulo & Morris, 2006), although research does not support
such differences when measured directly (e.g., Greitemeyer, 2009). These findings may also be
indicative of a shift in what Americans hope to garner from marriage, as proposed by Finkel et al.
(2014), with particular emphasis now on higher level needs that contribute to one's own psychological
well-being. Finkel et al. (2014) proposed that this more recent emphasis on contemporary marriage
fulfilling both lower- and higher-level needs may also explain why research has demonstrated
that links between marital quality and psychological well-being have become stronger over time
(Proulx, Helms, & Buehler, 2007). These patterns may be further compounded by the more tangible
advantages—including resources and financial benefits with government recognition—that come
with marriage in the United States. Such resources would likely increase one's feelings of contentment
and security, as well as confidence in one's ability to be successful, because of the relative
increases with combined family resources and social capital as well as partner social support.
Many of our findings showing positive perceptions of single life mirror observed differences
found in prior research. For instance, while there were no differences by subgroup, participants perceived
singles to have more friends and a more interesting social life. This is supported by multiple
studies. In a study of 25,000 American adults, researchers found single people to have more and
higher quality friendships than married people, regardless of gender or of parental status (Gillespie,
Lever, Frederick, & Royce, 2015). Similarly, in a large nationally representative study using data
from both the General Social Survey and the National Survey of Families and Households, Sarkasian
and Gerstel (2016) found that single people had more frequent contact with their friends, family, and
neighbors, and were more likely to both provide and receive help and support from these people in
their social networks. Singles have also been found to engage in more long-term caretaking of loved
ones and friends (Henz, 2006), and to be more socially integrated into their communities
(Klinenberg, 2012). Conversely, as proposed by the dyadic withdrawal hypothesis (Johnson &
Leslie, 1982), married and partnered people tend to engage in social withdrawal with those beyond
the partnership, linked with insularity and decay of one's social network, further magnifying these
patterns across relationship statuses.
Our participants perceived singles to work harder to stay in shape than married individuals. This
was indeed documented in a study of exercise frequency. While controlling for the effects of age, single
men and women were found to engage in more physically active hobbies, activities, and sports
than married men and women over a 2-week period—with single women exercising over an hour
more than married women, and single men exercising over 3 hr more than married men in the measurement
period (Nomaguchi & Bianchi, 2004). Considering these differences on a yearly basis, this
means that single men and women may be physically active for approximately 30–80 hr more than
married men and women, potentially leading to greater heart health, lowered anxiety and depression,
and longevity.
Additionally, our participants perceived single life to be characterized by more sexual behavior
than married life. Although recent media reports have purported that Americans are now having
less sex than ever before (e.g., Julian, 2018), some research has shown that this varies by relationship
status. In an examination of nationally representative data from the General Social Survey
gathered between 1989 and 2014, researchers showed that American adults had sex approximately
nine times less per year in the early 2010s when compared to the late 1990s (Twenge, Sherman, &
Wells, 2015). These declines in sexual frequency were consistent across gender, race, geographical
region, education level, and employment, and were also present in married/partnered individuals.
Unpartnered individuals, however, remained steady in their sexual frequency. This is
especially interesting given that unpartnered people have typically been shown to have sex less
often than those in relationships (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994). Thus, while on
average singles engage in less regular sexual activity than partnered people—likely impacted by
the investments needed to find and court each new sexual partner—the category of singles seems
to not be experiencing the same demographic declines in sexual frequency that have been
observed in samples of partnered people. This further suggests that any larger national patterns of
declining sexual frequency are not being driven by the rising proportion of singles in the adult
population.
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