The conversations we seek to avoid: Commonly avoided topics include politics, money, sex, religion, work, relationships; motivations are privacy and conflict concerns

The conversations we seek to avoid. Katherine Qianwen Sun, Michael L.Slepian. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, Volume 160, September 2020, Pages 87-105. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2020.03.002

Highlights
• People frequently seek to avoid certain conversation topics in daily life.
• Commonly avoided topics include politics, money, sex, religion, work, relationships.
• Two broad motivations underlie this avoidance: (1) privacy and (2) conflict concerns.
• Privacy motivations predicts inhibiting responses; conflict, activating responses.
• These pathways had implications for feelings of authenticity in the workplace.

Abstract: The current work presents the first inquiry into the conversations people seek to avoid. We introduce the Topic Avoidance Process Model, proposing two distinct processes when an interaction partner brings up a topic one wishes to avoid. When topic avoidance is motivated by concern for creating a conflict, one is more likely to leave the conversation, through increased activating emotions (e.g., annoyance). When motivated by concern for privacy, one is more likely to remain quiet, through increased inhibiting emotions (e.g., anxiety). In addition, these pathways predicted whom individuals focused on during the conversation (others vs. the self) as well as authenticity felt during conversations in the workplace. Three data-driven studies identified people’s experiences with unwanted conversation topics, yielding the present model, then supported by five studies (Ntotal = 3200) using multiple methods, including retrospective recall, live conversations, and studies online and in the field as well as text analysis and machine learning.

Check also: Shame, Guilt, and Secrets on the Mind. Michael L. Slepian, James N. Kirby, Elise K. Kalokerinos. Emotion, 20(2), 323–328. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000542

Abstract: Recent work suggests that what is harmful about secrecy is not active concealment within social interactions but rather mind wandering to a secret outside of concealment contexts. However, it is not yet clear what predicts mind wandering to and concealing secrets. We proposed that emotional appraisals of shame and guilt for secrecy would predict how secrecy is experienced. Four studies with 1,000 participants keeping more than 6,000 secrets demonstrated that shame was linked with increased mind wandering to the secret. Guilt, in contrast, was linked with reduced mind wandering to the secret. The current work represents the first test of how emotions from secrecy determine how that secrecy is experienced. 

Keywords: secrecy, mind wandering, concealment, shame and guilt, well-being
Supplemental materials: http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/emo0000542.supp

Some of the things we hide:

abortion
ambition
belief/ideology
counternormative
emotional infidelity
extra-relational thoughts
habit/addiction
illegal
lie
marriage proposal
no sex
other woman/man
other-harm
poor work performance
pregnant
self-harm
sexual behavior
sexual infidelity
social discontent
surprise
drug use
employment
family detail
finances
hidden relationship
hobby
mental health
personal story
physical discontent
preference
romantic desire
romantic discontent
sexual orientation
theft
trauma
violate trust
work cheating
work discontent