Women who divorce face greater burdens because of decreased income and almost sole caring for children; why, then, do these women initiate divorce more and fare better psychologically after a divorce than men?

Why women choose divorce: An evolutionary perspective. Gillian Parker et al. Current Opinion in Psychology, Volume 43, February 2022, Pages 300-306. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.07.020

Abstract: In Western dual-educated, male-female marriages, women who divorce face greater burdens because of decreased income and primary or sole responsibility for caring for children than men who divorce. Why, then, do these women initiate divorce more and fare better psychologically after a divorce than men? Here, we articulate an evolutionary mismatch perspective, informed by key findings in relationship science. We argue that mismatches between women's evolved preferences and configurations of modern marriage often clash, producing dissatisfaction. Women's unprecedented career ascendance also affords women ever more freedom to leave. We discuss pressures from social expectations for men and women that contribute to or compound these vulnerabilities. We conclude with key questions for future research, which can contribute to strategies for mitigating relationship dissatisfaction and the profound loss and pain that results from divorce.

Keywords: DivorceEvolutionary mismatchesGender rolesUnpaid laborMate preferences

Introduction

When people choose to get married, typically they do so with the intention of staying together forever — ‘till death do us part.’ Nevertheless, roughly half of marriages in the US end in divorce [1]. This is costly to all involved, particularly to women.

Post-divorce, within Western heterosexual couples, women experience a significant decrease in income compared to men [2,3], and their risk of falling below the poverty line skyrockets [4].1 In contrast, Western men's income decreases modestly [2,3] or increases [4]. Women often take sole or primary custody of children [5] and are less likely to remarry [6,7]. Therefore, divorce involves a compound burden for many women, juggling both paid labor and most of the unpaid childcare work with fewer resources than are typically available to divorced men. Despite these costs, women are more likely to initiate divorce [8,9] and report greater life satisfaction post-divorce [10,11] than men. This represents a paradox of contemporary, Western divorce. Given the greater costliness of marital dissolution for women, why are women more often its initiators and psychological beneficiaries?

Provisional answers exist in literature showing that physical abuse [12], financial problems [13,14], infertility [15], infidelity [15,16], and personality conflicts [17] contribute to divorce. Although it is important to understand relationship-level variables that can cause relationships to erode, which is typical in the literature, it can obscure the fact that divorce typically does not occur because a relationship falls apart; instead, it typically occurs because one partner decides to leave [18,9]. In addressing why women initiate divorce from men, we need to understand individual-level factors that differ between men and women.

Here, we use insights from evolutionary and relationship science to examine this paradox of woman-initiated divorce. We propose that women's unprecedented professional ascendance has created mismatches between women's evolved preferences and modern marriage. Although women's professional success has helped emancipate them politically and economically from men, it also makes women and men less interdependent, changing the benefits of marriage and the costs of dissolution. This perspective leads to new research questions. We posit that answering these questions will help to identify means of improving relationships by minimizing gaps created by mismatches.

Women in the workplace: a new feature of the modern world

Ancestrally, pregnancy and childcare are likely to have kept women close to home. This created a dependency for women on a partner's provisioning (e.g. food, shelter, other resources). All of our female ancestors were mothers, and motherhood was virtually guaranteed to sexually active women. Motherhood and dependence on men, for our female ancestors, were not choices that women had to make. Instead, they were simply a part of life.

Today, things are different. Women can control their fertility, plan families, and achieve professional goals. Women earn 57.3% of bachelor's degrees, 60.1% of master's degrees, and 53.5% of doctoral degrees [19] and makeup 51.5% of the paid workforce [20]. When women have the opportunity to support themselves and not depend on men, many take that path.

Women's participation in the paid workforce benefits individual and collective well-being. Women's earnings are linked with greater life satisfaction [21,22] and better health [23]. Having women as part of an economic talent pool also increases company earnings and shapes innovation [24]. However, women's workforce participation has also created a dramatic shift in their relationships with men. For millennia, women were dependent on men's provisioning for survival and reproduction, and now they are not.

Here, we seek to detail how mismatches and other rapid social changes can contribute to women's decisions to divorce. We are not arguing for a shift back to traditional gender roles — instead, we see opportunities to modify relationships in ways that can be helpful in reducing relationship conflict and promoting relationship harmony. We view this article as a starting point for understanding new sources of marital discord and considering possible solutions beneficial to women and men.