The lack of sexual activity made male singles more dissatisfied than female singles

Satisfaction with Singlehood and Sexual Activity. Bente Træen & Ingela Lundin Kvalem. Sexuality & Culture, Apr 3 2022. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-022-09961-x

Abstract: The purpose of this paper is to examine the extent to which Norwegians are satisfied with their singlehood, and to determine the association between being single and sexual activity. Data were obtained from a questionnaire survey of a representative web sample of 1076 unpartnered individuals (568 women, 508 men) aged 18–89 years. A total of 45.2% of the single respondents reported being satisfied with being single, while 33.9% reported being unsatisfied. There was no difference between the age groups in men, but more women aged 45 years or older than women under the age of 45 were satisfied with being single. A higher percentage of gay, bisexual, and transmen than heterosexual men was satisfied with being single. More women who had not been sexually active with a partner in the past year were satisfied with being single than were women who had been sexually active. The men who were most satisfied with being single were those who had masturbated and/or had sexual intercourse, and least satisfied were those with no sexual activity, or exclusively masturbation activity. The results are discussed in terms of biological, psychological, and social positions.

Discussion

We found that the majority of single respondents reported being satisfied with being single. This finding most likely reflects that in contemporary Norwegian society, there is a higher acceptance of deviation from the “Ideology of Marriage and Family” (DePaulo & Morris, 2005). In other words, there is a broad acceptance of diversity in how people live their lives. The finding that a higher percentage of respondents who had not been sexually active during the past year was completely satisfied with being single is most likely related to the composition of the sub-sample, as the majority of respondents were female. This will be further discussed below.

A higher percentage of older than younger respondents reported being satisfied with being single. Furthermore, a higher percentage of women than men, and more women aged 60 years or older than women under the age of 60, were satisfied with being single. This finding, in part, should be considered in relation to the study by Bergström and Vivier (2020), which showed that the rate of singlehood steadily increased for women aged 40 years and that more women than men stated that singlehood for them was voluntary. Contrary to men, who are able to become fathers throughout their whole life span, women’s ability to conceive is significantly reduced by the age of 45 years. It is likely that at younger ages, single women aspire for a committed partner to raise a family and children (Du Bois-Reymond, 1998), and not finding the “right” partner reduces satisfaction with this involuntary singlehood. Around the age of 30 years, as single individuals see their friends forming relationships, they become more strongly aware of their minority status, and personal and social pressure may become more intense (Bergström & Vivier, 2020). However, approaching menopause it is likely that women’s expectancies for reproduction will decrease, and this may raise other issues of greater importance for them. Men of all ages are in a different social position, tending to form their first relationship at a later age than women (Bergström & Vivier, 2020), and having children is likely to affect their career and other aspects of self-realization less than women’s.

Another interesting finding was that heterosexual women with no sexual activity in the past 12 months were more satisfied with being single than women who had been sexually active. Furthermore, the heterosexual women who were least satisfied were those who had masturbated and had sexual intercourse. This corroborates a British study, in which a minority of those who had sexual experience but were sexually inactive, 35% of men and 24% of women, reported being dissatisfied with their sex lives (Ueda & Mercer, 2019). According to Baumeister (1999), women’s sexuality is more plastic than men’s sexuality. This implies that women without access to a committed partner may “turn off” their sex drive altogether, and not longing for something they do not have and releasing energy into other things of importance in life makes them satisfied with singlehood. It can be hypothesized that women who recently had been sexually active with a partner might have been reminded of not having an available partner, which might have caused them to long for one. In that case, it can be argued that they are committed to a romantic ideal, but had either found the wrong partner to enter into a relationship with (Træen & Sørensen, 2000), or had experienced unrequited love (Baumeister, 1993). The finding that men who had less masturbation activity in the past month were more likely to be satisfied with being single indicates that some men may have lower sexual desire than others. However, based on the findings from other studies, it may also be linked to higher levels of avoidant attachment, lower sexual self-esteem and self-confidence, lower sexual satisfaction (Anticevi et al., 2017), or poor flirting skills, unattractiveness, shyness, and bad experiences in previous relationships (Apostolou, 2019).

There was no difference in satisfaction with being single between the group with no previous sexual interactions and the group with sexual experience but with no current sexual partner. Although the groups on the surface differ in terms of sexual experience, the mean scores on satisfaction probably conceal diverse reasons for singlehood. For both groups, being single may be a consequence of an active choice or an unwanted circumstance.

Park et al.’s study (2021) showed that having a satisfying sexual life was associated with how positively single individuals viewed their singlehood. Men and women are biologically different and undergo different primary sexual socialization processes. Unlike women, both LGBT + men and heterosexual men who were satisfied with their sexual life in general, satisfied with their current level of sexual activity, and who had had sexual intercourse in the past month were more likely to be satisfied with being single. In addition, the relationships were generally stronger for LGBT + men than for heterosexual men. It could be that men in general who are satisfied with their singlehood find it more convenient to have casual partners and to avoid all partners who could become committed partners. LGBT + men may be able to obtain male sexual partners more readily than heterosexual men can female sexual partners, in part because of men’s greater interest in casual sex (e.g., Schmitt, 2005). According to Eastwick et al. (2019), passion peaks in the early stages of a relationship, and feelings of intimacy and emotional bonding peak in later stages. For single individuals who are satisfied with being single and who still have sexual activity with partners, it could be that it is the drive for passion that is satisfying to them, and that they may not have a desire for emotional bonding with a partner.

LGBT + men and women are likely to undergo a new socialization process when coming out as gay (Alonzo & Buttitta, 2019). We found that LGBT + men were more satisfied with being single than heterosexual men, but there was no difference between LGBT + women and heterosexual women. LGBT + men may have a larger pool of other men to have sexual interactions with, and in the gay sub-culture there is likely to be a higher acceptance of sex for the sake of pleasure and of not having to legitimize sex with love than in the heterosexual majority culture (Abramson & Pinkerton, 2002; Matsick et al., 2021).

Limitations

Some limitations of this study must be addressed. The sample is supposedly representative of Norway’s Internet-using population but compared to the Norwegian population there is an overrepresentation of respondents with higher education. This may hinder the generalizability of the results. A more detailed description of this has been outlined elsewhere (Træen et al., 2021a, b; Træen & Thuen, 2021; Træen & Fischer, 2021). Another limitation is the single question measure of satisfaction with singlehood, as well as satisfaction with their sexual life/current level of sexual activity. However, we chose single questions rather than scales in an effort to maximize response rates and reduce participant burden. This is generally accepted and widely used in the field of sex research, as they may capture the construct to a satisfactory degree (Gardner et al., 1998). In addition, the cross-sectional nature of this study makes it impossible to draw conclusions about cause and effect. Furthermore, the low number of LGBT + persons in the study also represents a limitation, and the statistics should thus be interpreted with caution.